Chapter 13 (gasp!)
It was written:
3: It's even darker in here...but it seems to be safe..
<But after a quick glance around, they realize that they are in trouble...>
Servo: Hey, down in front! I can't see!
Crow: More intruders...good, I'm hungry. <bites Jim's left hand off>
And we resume.
Jim: Jee-zus H. Kee-riiste! My hand ... my right hand is gone!
3: Your left hand.
Jim: Whatever! OH GOD IT HURTS IT HURTS IT Hmmmm. Strangely, my wrist feels much better now.
e: Yes, it does. And the stage has been set for a future chapter in which your severed hand is replaced by a bionic one a la Empire Strikes Back [which title, incidentally, contains three e's].
3: Three... I like that number. Has a nice ring to it. Denwa!
Jim: If only Alice were still here, so she could warn me.
3: Can you manage with only one hand?
Jim: It'll be difficult to type and wack it simultaneously, but you know what they say.
Jim: Absence makes the heart say e.
Crow: Are you guys going to shut up or what? We're trying to criticize this movie. <burp>
Jim: That sounds like ... Crow! Which means this is...
Joel: ... the Satellite o' Love, boys.
Jim: So we're on MST3
e: Watch it...
Jim: ...e! And you're Joel! Wait, that is you, Joel, and not your cheap-ass imitation Mike, right?
Joel: It sure is me. Now be quiet.
Jim: So what are you being forced to watch this time?
Crow: It's some campy flick. We can't figure out if it's supposed to be a comedy, a drama or a pile of shit.
3: Well, what's happening right now?
Joel: Right now we're watching some guy sleep in his dorm room. Hey, look at me, I'm Jesus Christ and I'm sleeping! What fun!
Crow: Oh, his roommate's sneaking over to the stereo, oh, this is gonna be great! Look at that cinematography! I wonder what's going to happen next? He's pressing the power button... hey, what's wrong with the tint?
e: Looks like that sleeping guy is glowing green.
Joel: Look at me, I'm The Incredible Hulk! Jesus Hulk Christ!
Servo: Oh, boy - the green guy's waking up. Maybe the plot will start now.
Joel: No, it's time for a break.
[The gang follows Joel and the robots to the ship's control room.]
Gypsy: Hi gy wuta ba...
Servo: Hiya Gypsy.
Woman's voice: Eight seconds until commercial sign.
3: 8... I never got a chance to... I just wish I could have told him, in the living years.
e: 8's still alive, silly threee. He's just banned from #marscolony.
3: I'm gonna kick that fucking bot's ass when I see her, that stupid-ass dirty-ass nasty-ass slut! I'll shoot her in the leg, shoot her in the thigh, kick her in the pussy and punch her in the eye!
Woman's voice: Three seconds until commercial sign.
3: Knee to the pussy, kick to the skull...
e: Chill, 3.
3: 7 got mad 'cause c got licked. I didn't give a fuck so I shot him in the dick!
Woman's voice: Commercial sign.
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To order your 8 oz. tube of Exception Reflection Protection Gel and free box of cereal, send 38 trillion akira points to: ERPG, c/o Anus Chemical Co., 33E888 Curdsan Way, Chocklie, Optimus Prime, Xorinia. Limit 3 per household. Sorry, no AOD's.
Singers: MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATERRRR, THREE E-OUSAND!
3: Sniff... Frosted e was 8's favorite...
Jim: Wut the... the gravity's fuct!
Joel: The movie's starting and we're getting sucked back into the theater, as of late.
Crow: No! I can't take any more of this!
Servo: Chill, Crow.
Crow: No! I refuse to be a ho, prostituted for some science experiment! Gypsy, help me! Aaaaaaaaaaugh!
Gypsy: thru (eee)
Jim: Ohhhh, I'm getting queasy from all this throwing <retch>
3: Who you calling wretch?
e: How did she do that?
Jim: <gag> Beats me. You coded it.
3: No, I think R coded Gypsy. Oh.
e: 3, does my hair look okay?
R: Hi, big boys.
e: <blushes> (whispering) Oh, e, it's R...
Jim: R? What is this?
3: e has a crush on R.
3: HE WANTS TO FUCK HER IN THE ASS.
e: Shhhhh! <giggle>
3: R's real nice to look at, Jim, but she's a ditz. She has this annoying habit of making irrelevant general statements that have no place in the flow of conversation.
R: Consumer goods are more lavish, and trash has increased.
3: Now you understand the method behind Gypsy's madness.
Jim: That's from Othello, right?
R: Anyway, where's 8?
8: Here I yam! yo
3: 8 factorial!
8: Took you long enough to leave Mars. Oh, no...
3: Yep. R.
8: Someone throw her, please. She's almost as annoying as donaldso.
e: NO! I mean, no. That would be ruuuude to R guest. It's been a long time since we made lo... since we last met.
R: How are you, e?
e: I'm fine, and you?
R: Oh, I've been better. My whole family is fighting and I'm just a little stressed out right now.
e wanted to make her feel better, and knew how to, but did R really want e's long pulsating serif in her R-sehole, or was it just his over-active imagination? Then she said,
R: What are you up to?
e got a hold of himself and just risked total embarrassment - I mean, what did e have to lose? So e said,
e: Well, if you let me, I'm going to fuck your e-damn brains out!
e: I want to rip your fuckin' clothes off and fuck you like you've never been fucked before!
3: Oh, Christ.
donaldso: B00ta baa baa baa! woot
R: Why do you want me so badly?
e: Because you're the fuckin' hottest bitch I've ever seen!
R: Well, I guess I could go for a good fuck now.
[e and R duck behind a nearby cactus.]
Jim: Cactus? My e, we're in a vast wasteland!
8: If only that bot were here now, I'd show her a thing or two. Hey, wait, 3! I've got an ideal. <pspswpswpspspsw>
Alice: Freudian slip: made love -> last met (offset 0x3e)
Jim: Alice! When did you get here :-/
Alice: Response :: "I've been here ever since -> 'Jim: Ohhhh, I'm getting queasy from Alice throwing <retch>'".
3: Great ideal, 8. disable_interrupts(taco);
Jim: Nani? What is it, man?
3: You'll just have to wait and c!
c: Oh, yes! Gonna give 'em some Maniac magic. User 8 is bann
3: delete 8;
Alice: System Notification: 41 bytes freed
c: Wh... Well, 3, it seems that I have underestimated your stupidity. Now rot in #hell! User 3 is b
3: 8 8 = new 8(3);
*** c is telefragged ***
8: Woohoo! Take that, bitch!
3: That weak, pathetic fool. enable_interrupts(taco);
8: All too easy.
Jim: She gets crazier by the chapter, doesn't she.
Alice: Spelging correction: ideal -> idael
[Suddenly, without prior warning, the landscape is magically and instantaneously transformed into a jungle paradise for 65 (6 + 5 = 11; 11 = 8 + 3) miles in each direction. Akira!]
Alice: General warning, forestation imminent.
R: Oh e, that was wonderful.
e: I think I screamed my own name.
3: Ugh. So... what to do?
Jim: I guess we start walking. Wait a minnit. Have any of you ever had deja vu? Because I've had it several times already during our adventures, and I'm having it right now.
8: Nope. Don't quite get your meaning.
Jim: It's like I've heard myself say these exact words before... oh, no matter. Let's go, guys.
2bc n 14
Last modified: Tue Sep 9 23:00:03 CDT 1997